Lee Miller, A Therapist's Blog

Mental Health Tune-Ups: Simple Tools for Emotional Strength

Daily life brings challenges—but with small, intentional habits, you can maintain your emotional health and build lasting resilience. Here are a few accessible strategies to help you strengthen your mindset and stay grounded.

Reframe Your Inner Voice

Practice Distanced Self-Talk: When you’re overwhelmed, speak to yourself in the third person. Instead of “I can’t handle this,” try “You’ve done hard things before.” This shift reduces emotional reactivity and helps you think more clearly.
Challenge Catastrophic Thoughts: Ask yourself, “Is this thought useful or accurate?” Reframing negative thinking patterns can interrupt spirals and restore a sense of control.
Offer Self-Compassion: Replace harsh self-criticism with supportive language. Say, “That didn’t go as planned—what can I try next time?” instead of “I messed up again.”

Strengthen Connection

Assume People Will Like You: We tend to underestimate how much others enjoy our company. Expecting warmth often leads us to behave more warmly, creating deeper bonds.
Reach Out with Intention: Express gratitude, do something kind, or share appreciation. These small gestures can foster connection and boost mood—for both you and others.
Let People Know They Matter: New friendships grow stronger when both people openly express fondness. A simple “I’m glad we met” goes a long way.

Reimagine Purpose

Focus on “Little-p” Purpose: Instead of chasing a single, life-defining goal, seek meaning in everyday activities—like cooking, caregiving, or creative hobbies.
Identify Purpose Anchors: Reflect on what energizes you. Build routines around those moments—whether it’s walking your dog, volunteering, or learning something new.
Let Go of Pressure: Searching for “Big-P” Purpose can lead to frustration. Instead, honor what feels meaningful today and allow your purpose to evolve.

Take Joy Seriously

Schedule Joy Breaks: Make time each week for simple pleasures—time outside, a favorite show, or a funny video. These moments build resilience and emotional balance.
Embrace Zest: Try adding more enthusiasm to your everyday actions—greeting others warmly, offering compliments, or engaging in play. It not only lifts your mood but supports long-term well-being.

Tending to your mental health doesn’t have to be overwhelming. A few small changes—how you talk to yourself, connect with others, and approach daily life—can help you feel more grounded, connected, and hopeful.

Love In 5 Minutes - Just Add Water!

We are deep in the age of optimization—faster, easier, more efficient. Every day we’re encouraged to streamline our routines, our goals, even our emotions. And increasingly, we’re applying that same pressure to our relationships. But love is not a productivity project. It doesn’t flourish under pressure to perform. It asks something else entirely.

Love asks us to slow down. Because real intimacy—the kind that makes you feel safe, known, and chosen—isn’t built in easy moments. It’s formed in the pauses, in the misunderstandings, in the slow work of listening when it would be easier to scroll, to shut down, or to fix. Connection doesn’t come from speed. It comes from presence, patience, and the courage to stay.

The Illusion of the Easy Relationship

So many couples come to therapy believing love should be easier. They’ve seen the reels of happy kitchen dances and want a fix for the tension they feel.
But love isn’t built in highlight reels. It’s built in the moments when we slow down and stay with each other through awkwardness, frustration, and fear.

What If Discomfort Is the Point?

Discomfort isn’t a glitch—it’s the gateway. It’s where we learn what matters most to our partner, and where they learn the same about us.
Avoiding it may feel protective, but it shuts down the very vulnerability that deepens connection.

Stop Solving. Start Seeing.

Many couples treat each other like problems to fix. But underneath most arguments are longings—to be known, to be safe, to be chosen.
Slowing down allows space to ask: What’s really going on here? What does my partner need to feel seen?

Love Lives in the Messy Middle

Good relationships are inefficient. They’re filled with misunderstandings and repeated arguments. But each one is a chance to come closer, if we’re brave enough to stay in it.
The couples who make it aren’t the ones who avoid conflict—they’re the ones who learn to move through it together.

The impulse to rush past hard conversations is human. So is the instinct to protect ourselves from uncertainty. But love asks us to do something radical in a high-speed world: slow down, stay curious, and turn toward each other when it would be easier to turn away. There’s no shortcut to the kind of intimacy that holds steady through conflict and change. But there is a path. And it begins by slowing our pace, softening our defenses, and choosing—again and again—to show up with presence, not perfection.

Coping with Trauma After a Natural Disaster

Coping with Trauma After a Natural Disaster

Natural disasters like wildfires leave emotional scars that can feel as devastating as the physical loss. When homes, communities, and lives are upended, the trauma that follows can feel overwhelming. Yet, understanding the nature of this trauma and taking steps toward healing can provide hope and direction.

The Emotional Impact of Natural Disasters

Natural disasters often create a whirlwind of emotions, from the immediate shock and fear to lingering grief, anxiety, and helplessness. For many, the loss extends beyond physical belongings to a sense of safety and normalcy. Whatever you are feeling is okay, and may look like:

Acute Stress Reactions: Heightened alertness, difficulty concentrating, fatigue, or nausea are common in the days following a disaster.
Grieving Losses: Losing a home, cherished items, or loved ones often brings waves of sadness and anger.
Long-term Trauma: Events like these can trigger Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), including flashbacks, nightmares, or hypervigilance.

Recognizing these responses as natural reactions to extraordinary events is a crucial first step toward healing.

Steps Toward Emotional Recovery:

Acknowledge Your Feelings: Allow yourself to feel emotions like grief, anger, or fear without judgment. These feelings are valid.
Seek Connection: Share your experiences with others, whether friends, family, or support groups.
Practice Grounding Techniques: Engage in mindful walking or focus on sensory details to calm overwhelming emotions.
Establish Small Routines: Rebuilding even small daily habits, such as regular meals or bedtime rituals, can offer stability.
Access Professional Support: Therapists specializing in trauma can provide tools to help process and reduce trauma.
Limit Exposure to Triggers: Reduce stress by limiting exposure to disaster-related media coverage.

A Path Toward Healing

Healing is a gradual process, but each small step brings you closer to emotional resilience. By seeking support, practicing self-care, and building a sense of normalcy, it’s possible to find hope and strength even in the face of immense loss.

If you’re seeking personalized support or a deeper exploration of these topics, consider reaching out to a licensed therapist or professional who can provide guidance tailored to your unique needs

The Neuroscience of Motivation: How to Keep Going When It Gets Tough

Motivation is the driving force behind our actions, but it’s not always easy to sustain—especially during challenges. By understanding how motivation works in the brain, you can develop strategies to keep moving forward when it gets tough.

What Drives Motivation
Motivation is deeply rooted in the brain’s reward system. The prefrontal cortex (decision-making) and the amygdala (emotion processing) play crucial roles, helping us assess risks, rewards, and our ability to persevere. Dopamine, often called the “feel-good chemical,” is released when we achieve meaningful goals, creating a sense of pleasure and reinforcing behavior.

Dopamine and Reward: Dopamine encourages us to repeat actions that lead to success.
The Role of Anticipation: Interestingly, dopamine spikes not only when we achieve goals but also when we anticipate achieving them. This is why breaking large goals into smaller steps can help sustain motivation.

Why Motivation Wavers

Burnout: Overworking without rest depletes mental energy.
Fear of Failure: Negative emotions reduce your brain’s ability to focus on rewards.
Unclear Goals: Vague objectives limit dopamine release, making progress feel harder.

How to Keep Going

Set Small, Achievable Goals: Breaking big tasks into steps keeps the dopamine flowing.
Visualize Success: Picture yourself achieving your goals to trigger your brain’s reward system.
Celebrate Wins: Even small victories deserve acknowledgment to reinforce motivation.
Take Breaks: Rest resets mental energy and improves focus.
Connect with Purpose: Reflect on why your goal matters to reignite emotional drive.

Motivation as a Habit
Motivation isn’t just an emotion—it’s a habit that can be cultivated. By understanding how your brain works, you can create routines and environments that sustain motivation, even during tough times. Remember, each small step forward is progress, and with the right strategies, you can turn challenges into growth opportunities.

If you’re seeking personalized support or a deeper exploration of these topics, consider reaching out to a licensed therapist or professional who can provide guidance tailored to your unique needs.

New Year, New You: Finding Your Voice After Divorce

Redefining Yourself in the New Year
Divorce can mark the end of one chapter, but it also offers the chance to rewrite your story. The New Year is a powerful moment to focus on self-discovery, growth, and resilience. This period may feel overwhelming, but it’s also a time to rediscover your strength and establish a foundation for your future. Every challenge faced in divorce carries the potential to shape you into someone stronger, more self-aware, and ready for new beginnings.

Steps Toward Self-Rediscovery

Set Personal Growth Goals: Revisit activities that brought you joy before your marriage, or try something entirely new. Taking small steps toward these goals can reignite your sense of purpose. Start with manageable tasks, like dedicating 15 minutes daily to a passion or hobby.

Rebuild Your Support Network: Surround yourself with people who uplift and encourage you. This might mean reconnecting with old friends, joining a local club, or even seeking therapy for additional guidance. Building a strong network takes time, but it can become a cornerstone of your healing journey.

Define Boundaries: Protect your mental and emotional health by establishing clear boundaries with your ex-partner and others. Healthy boundaries allow you to heal and rebuild on your terms. Boundaries also help you refocus your energy on yourself and what truly matters.

Celebrate Small Wins: Embrace progress in all its forms—whether it’s managing a tough conversation or finding a moment of peace in your day. Recognizing these wins helps build confidence over time. Keep a journal to track these moments and reflect on how far you’ve come.

A Year of Renewal
Stepping into this New Year, focus on crafting a life rooted in authenticity and resilience. Divorce may have altered your path, but it’s also an opportunity to rediscover your voice and build a future full of possibility and hope. You are not defined by what ended but by how you choose to move forward.

Fresh Starts: Co-Parenting Goals for the New Year

Building a Strong Co-Parenting Foundation

The New Year offers a fresh start to reflect, recalibrate, and redefine your co-parenting approach. This is an opportunity to foster stability, trust, and teamwork in your family dynamic. Co-parenting isn’t just about logistics; it’s about building a foundation of emotional security and modeling healthy conflict resolution for your children. While it’s natural for challenges to arise, the way you approach these moments can make a significant impact on your child’s well-being and sense of family continuity.

Setting Co-Parenting Intentions

Refine Communication Strategies: Commit to clear, respectful, and solution-focused conversations. Explore co-parenting apps to track schedules, expenses, and messages if face-to-face communication is challenging. Over time, strong communication can become the cornerstone of a functional co-parenting relationship.

Establish Consistent Routines: Predictable schedules and consistent rules across households help children feel grounded. Collaborate to create shared expectations about bedtime, screen time, and homework. Children thrive when they know what to expect, even amid changes.

Prioritize Child-Centered Decisions: Revisit your decision-making approach to ensure the focus remains on your children’s needs. When disagreements arise, ask, “What’s in their best interest?” This mindset not only protects the children but also reduces unnecessary conflict.

Plan for Milestones Together: From birthdays to school events, discuss how you’ll navigate special occasions to avoid misunderstandings and foster positive memories for your kids. Showing unity during important events helps your children feel supported and loved.

A Year of Teamwork

By setting mutual goals and prioritizing open communication, co-parents can create a harmonious environment for their children. A successful co-parenting partnership isn’t perfect, but it’s anchored in respect and a shared vision for the family’s well-being. Remember, even small steps toward collaboration can yield big results for your children’s happiness and security.

Monsters in the Mind: Dealing with Negative Self-Talk and Boosting Self-Esteem

Monsters in the Mind: Dealing with Negative Self-Talk and Boosting Self-Esteem

We’ve all heard stories of monsters lurking under the bed, but the real monsters often reside in our minds. Negative self-talk, those critical inner voices, erode self-esteem and confidence over time. Like imaginary monsters, these harmful thoughts can seem overwhelming, but they can be challenged and quieted. By confronting negative self-talk and replacing it with self-compassion, we can boost self-esteem and develop a healthier inner dialogue.

The Nature of Negative Self-Talk

Negative self-talk manifests as the inner voice that tells us we’re not good enough, smart enough, or capable enough. These thoughts often arise from past experiences, but they become automatic over time, creating a damaging cycle. Just like monsters in childhood stories, these thoughts distort reality, making us believe the worst about ourselves.

Confronting the Monsters

Recognize the Inner Critic: The first step in addressing negative self-talk is to become aware of it. Pay attention to the critical thoughts that arise during moments of insecurity or stress.
Challenge the Thoughts: Ask yourself if these thoughts are based on facts. Would you say them to a friend? Challenging their validity weakens their hold.
Replace with Affirmations: Swap negative thoughts with positive affirmations that reflect your true strengths and abilities.
Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a close friend, especially during difficult times.

Taming the Monsters
With consistent effort, negative self-talk can be silenced. By challenging and replacing harmful thoughts with self-compassion and affirmations, you create a mental environment where confidence can thrive. Over time, these mental monsters lose their power, allowing your self-esteem to grow stronger.

The monsters of negative self-talk can feel overpowering, but they are not invincible. By recognizing and challenging these thoughts, you can transform your inner dialogue into one of positivity and empowerment. With self-compassion and confidence, you can create a healthier, more supportive mindset.