The subject of this post sounds pretty
counter-intuitive, right?
If something changes in a positive direction
wouldn't that mean that we are happy and grief is no where in sight?
It may surprise you, but we can experience grief
not only over a loss of something we loved, but with a positive change towards
our futures. As we are growing and "losing" a stage of life, we can
find ourselves mourning who we once were but will no longer be.
As a teenager, you may be counting down the days
to get your driver's license and all the freedom that comes with that but once
you start taking yourself to school you realize that each day you are actually
missing that special one-on-one time with your Dad that you once had when he
would drop you off and pick you up.
You may be a parent who has raised your child to
be independent and fly out of the nest, but when you drop them off for college
and they are equipped to handle the world on their own you can experience a
twinge of pain knowing they will never again be your young, dependent baby
bird.
As you get a promotion at work, you can be
equally as excited about the new salary and notoriety, but at the same time
realize you miss the lower pressure and anonymity that your previous position
granted you.
How can we handle these types of grief as we are
mourning and celebrating in the exact same breath?
5 Tips to Handle Grief Over Positive Change:
1.
Allow yourself to feel the complex emotions of
being human. Sometimes, you jump back and forth between a dichotomy of
feelings… and that is okay.
2.
Don't judge your situation as all "bad"
or all "good." Give space knowing that it can be both/and.
3.
Celebrate the change! As we grow, there are so many
things to be excited about that are right around the corner.
4.
Grieve the loss! Look back and cherish the
moments you once had, even if they are just to be in your memories.
5.
Know that even though you cannot go back to the
past, it is always a part of your legacy and your story -- and remember, one
day you may be looking back in this exact season wishing you soaked it in more!
Change can come up unexpectedly and be a
confusing thing to navigate. My door is always open and you can feel free to
reach out to me for an appointment. You can either email me at leemiller.therapist@gmail.com or
call my office at (310) 614-0323.
