You may have never
thought the day would come for her to find someone new or you could have sworn
he would be re-married before the ink on the divorce papers was dry - either
way, nothing can really prepare you for how you’ll react when you find out your
ex spouse is getting remarried.
We can’t ever control
how we feel, but we can be aware of how we react especially when it is around
our children. Here is a helpful checklist to walk through as you process your
emotions:
- Don’t feel
the need to congratulate your ex
They don’t need your permission to enter into this and, at the same time, you don’t have to give your approval if you don’t want to.
- Write down
all the reasons why it ended in the first place
This is a handy exercise to remember why you both didn’t work out together instead of over-romanticizing the good times.
- Ask your
children how they feel about it
Then listen. That’s all. Do not give your own opinion, but be a safe space for them to talk.
- Talk about
it with a professional if needed
Talking about this ad nauseum could upset your current partner. But if you feel you need to work out how you are reacting, feel free to reach out to me for an appointment. You can either email me at leemiller.therapist@gmail.com or call my office at (310) 614-0323.
- Don’t stalk
on social media
You may feel the urge to snoop and, even if it’s only in your own head, put down your ex’s new spouse. This only grows your own bitterness. You know the saying - bitterness is drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.
- Forgiving
doesn’t mean forgetting
Even if you can’t get to the point to forgive their actions, forgive yourself for allowing them for as long as you did - and move on. The best thing to do is let go and continue your own journey a part from your ex.
Remember, these feelings
won’t feel this strongly forever - they will pass. Be aware of your actions in
this time as that can be what has more lasting effects on you, your
relationship with your ex, and your connection to your kids.
