"You can love someone so much...But you can never love people as much as you can miss them."
— John Green
— John Green
Breaking-up isn’t hard at all. The process only requires that one person of a two-party commitment have the desire and resolve to utter the words “it’s over.” Now, staying broken up and moving on from the hurt that can result from a breakup, that’s another story.
After a breakup, many people feel that what was once a happy partnership is now just a source of pain and rejection. This can leave you with questions like, how will I ever move on? How will I ever love again? But not everyone feels this way after a relationship has ended. Some of us might even know people who float from one relationship to another with seemingly no issues moving on.
There are reasons why some of us struggle to cope with breakups while others seem able to deal. Three of the most common ones are highlighted below.
#1 You Haven’t Faced Your Grief
In many ways, a break-up is like a death. Someone you spent so much time with is now gone from your life. This is especially true in situations where your ex has cut off all contact. If you’re trying to avoid feelings of sadness, anger, and fear, you’re going about your breakup the wrong way. Instead of running from the pain, you should try to accept these feelings as normal. Even symptoms fatigue, distractibility, and not wanting to eat or sleep can be a normal part of the grieving process.
Do some research on the stages of breakup grief and find comfort in the fact that what you feel isn’t uncommon. This can help you develop a sense of normalcy and support.
#2 You’re Trying too Hard
Once you learn more about the grieving process, you might find that you’ve been pushing yourself too hard. There are seven common stages that people struggling to get over a breakup go through. These include wanting answers, denial, bargaining, relapse, anger, beginning acceptance, and hope for a new future.
Though you can move through some more quickly than others, it will take some time to work through all of the stages. You may even find yourself stuck in some stages like bargaining and relapse. Some people bounce back and forth between grieving stages. Don’t push yourself! Just recognizing where you are in the process is a start.
#3 You’re Trying to Work Through it Alone
Relationship issues are one of the top reasons people seek counseling. But after a breakup, many people feel too sad and alone to reach out for help. If you think that you just can’t get over a relationship loss on your own, don’t isolate yourself. Reach out to a professional therapist who can assist you in working through the stages of grief so that healing can be achieved. This is a great step to take even if you have hopes of getting back together since couples’ therapy might be an option when moving forward.