“How to Ruin a Relationship When Arguing”

couple on a couch arguing

We all know how difficult it can sometimes be to maintain a healthy relationship. And finding the “right” partner in the first place can be a difficult task. But once you find a compatible mate, maintaining that relationship is where the real work comes in.  In our high-stress world where both partners usually work, and many people have lifestyles that go one hundred miles an hour, it can be easy to put your relationship near the bottom of the list of your priorities. Falling into frequent arguing can be a pitfall of a stressful lifestyle and it’s not hard to lose a relationship quickly. 

Below are five ways to ruin a relationship when arguments happen.  These are meant to help you become aware of patterns, traps and behaviors you can fall into that can ruin your relationship over time.  Avoiding these behaviors can literally save you from ruining an otherwise healthy relationship.  

Threatening to Leave

Many times it’s easy to walk away from a relationship instead of putting in the time and effort to make it work.  When you and your significant other start arguing, threatening to leave is a sure way to break trust with your mate.  You may say it in the heat of the argument—and it comes out of hurt on your part—but regardless, it’s a sure-fire way to hurt your mate and kill the relationship, particularly if you do it frequently.

Saying “You Always” or “You Never”

Let’s face it, most people don’t “always” or “never” do something.  Doing this can would your mate and bringing up extremes like that are relationship killers.  Giving your partner the benefit of the doubt by saying, “It makes me feel bad when you…..” is much better than, “you always do this to me….”.  Being fair in an argument or discussion is a much better, civil, and loving way to get issues out on the table without resorting to accusatory language.

The Silent Treatment

Although this is an age-old method of making your point that you’re unhappy with your significant other, this is not usually a healthy way to deal with an argument or disagreement.   Of course, after a heated discussion or disagreement, a cooling off period may be order. But giving him or her the silent treatment for a day or days at a time is sure way to put distance between you and your partner.  And done often enough, this distance may not be able to be repaired after a while.


This is a behavior that most people have at one time or another.  But finger-pointing on a consistent basis puts you both in an adversarial position that simply widens the chasm in your relationship. The “You did this!” or “You did that..” is simply a way to deflect blame for your part in disagreements or verbal fights.  Sticking to the issue at hand that is at the heart of the argument and not bringing up past behaviors is important in ensuring that your mate doesn’t feel attacked.

Not Accepting Responsibility

Admittedly, this one can be difficult but a simple “I’m sorry” or “I didn’t mean that” can go a long way in building trust and letting your partner know that he or she isn’t always at fault.   Taking responsibility for your actions and what you did wrong is critical for the success of your relationship. We’re all human and we all make mistakes. Letting your partner see that vulnerability can do wonders for endearing you to them.

Again, healthy relationships take work.  But if you’re with the right partner to begin with and attempt to avoid the above-mentioned behaviors and traps, you have a much better chance of nurturing and deepening the relationship.