Self-esteem is still a hot topic today. With the awareness of school bullying as well as cyber-bullying taking center stage in the media in a variety of forms that lead to suicides and even school shootings, this topic is more important than it ever was.
Self-esteem is how you see and regard yourself. The word “esteem” is rooted in Latin to mean “estimate”. So self-esteem is how you estimate and regard yourself. The topic of low self-esteem is of particular interest in schools and for therapists because many emotional and behavioral problems are born out of low self-esteem.
And when low self-esteem is taken into adulthood, it can negatively impact a person’s ability to get a better job despite having the necessary qualifications, having healthy relationships and affect a persons overall feeling of well-being. Boosting elf-esteem is largely an inside job and it takes diligence and effort. But as the saying goes, “success breeds success” and the more you cultivate high self-esteem, the better you feel and the more successful you’ll be in all areas of your life.
Here are 5 ways you can boost your self-esteem starting now:
1. Remember that you’re not your behavior. We all make mistakes. We may get fired from a job or lose a relationship due to an outburst. You need to remember that you’re human with faults, foibles and that you’re going to miss the mark from time to time. This doesn’t make you a “bad” person. It means you have limitations that need to be worked on like anybody else.
2. Stop destructive thoughts in their tracks. There’s a psychological technique called “thought-stopping” whereby you notice a negative thought, interrupt the pattern of the thought and replace it with a positive one. Awareness of destructive thoughts like, “I always mess up” or “I’m not good enough” is key here. Just being aware when you think negatively of yourself and then questioning and replacing it with a thought that is positive about yourself like, “I made a mistake but I won’t make the same one next time!” can do wonders.
3. Keep it positive! As the late motivational speaker Zig Ziglar put it, "Positive thinking will let you do everything better than negative thinking will." A positive attitude is something you can develop on your own. It’s a way of thinking that can actually be cultivated. Instead of thinking about situations and events—and yourself—in a negative way, look at it from a positive perspective. You can always find good in virtually any situation or event—even the most seemingly horrendous events.
4. Only hang around people who make you feel good. We don’t have a lot of control over situations and events in our lives but, outside of work—and many times in our work— we can control who we let into our orbit. I learned a long time ago to only spend my free time with people who love and support me. The more you can develop a group of friends like this, the better you’ll feel. A friend, or group of friends, who care about and nurture you can make a real difference in how you feel about yourself.
5. Learn assertiveness. One thing low self-esteem can do is make you passive. Learning how to be assertive and stand up for yourself can be a challenge, but it can be done. Being assertive does not mean being aggressive. It means agreeing to disagree but standing your ground on things you feel strongly about. It means listening to the other person’s side of things. It’s about honest communication instead of burying your true feelings and giving in to an opinion you disagree with. Like any of the other techniques listed, it takes practice and time to get good at it.
Raising your self-esteem takes time and practice but the benefits are surely worth it. You’ll feel better about yourself, more positive in general and people will be more attracted to you as a result. Like any other new endeavor, just simply start putting these techniques into practice regularly. They’ll soon become a habit and in the process your entire self-image can take a turn for the better. And if you have problems that are affecting your self-esteem directly, feel free to reach out to me for an appointment. You can either email me at leemiller.therapist@gmail.com or call my office at (310) 614-0323.
Self-esteem is still a hot topic today. With the awareness of school bullying as well as cyber-bullying taking center stage in the media in a variety of forms that lead to suicides and even school shootings, this topic is more important than it ever was.
