Relational equity is essentially what all
relationships are composed of - it's the fundamental principal that what you
deposit or put into the account should always be larger than what you are
withdrawing from it. The currency of relational equity? COMMUNICATION!
Communication is key in any relationship, but
especially when it comes to the spouse/partner dynamic. When you are constantly
depositing into your partner's love account it softens the blow when you make a
withdrawal. But, if you're not careful you can slip into withdrawing more than
you're depositing which can lead to relational dysfunction.
DEPOSITS are things like…
·
Words of affirmation
·
Thoughtful gestures
·
Acts of service
·
Physical touching
WITHDRAWLS are things like…
·
Negative or harsh remarks
·
Critiques
·
Passive aggressive behavior
Uh oh… what to do when you OVERDRAFT
Relationships go through seasons. You may currently be in one where you are feeling the outside pressure from work, immediate family members, or the basic "back to school" pressures many parents are feeling right now. It sometimes can feel like the last thing you can do when you get home from an emotionally taxiing day is to deposit into your partner's love tank, yet you have needs that you'd like them to fulfill or meet in you. What happens when either you or your partner are taking more than giving and it reaches a breaking point?
Relationships go through seasons. You may currently be in one where you are feeling the outside pressure from work, immediate family members, or the basic "back to school" pressures many parents are feeling right now. It sometimes can feel like the last thing you can do when you get home from an emotionally taxiing day is to deposit into your partner's love tank, yet you have needs that you'd like them to fulfill or meet in you. What happens when either you or your partner are taking more than giving and it reaches a breaking point?
1.
Voice your needs in a loving way
Your partner isn't a mind reader - keep them in the loop on how you're feeling and what your needs are.
Your partner isn't a mind reader - keep them in the loop on how you're feeling and what your needs are.
2.
Give yourself and your partner grace and a game
plan.
Try to remember who you fell in love with initially and give them the benefit of the doubt that this is may just be a hard season for them. Give loving space for them to find their footing but also start the conversation on securing a game plan for the future. Maybe its enlisting a weekly date night that you promise to stick to. Or maybe it's bi-monthly couples counseling appointments where you get your feelings out on the table.
Try to remember who you fell in love with initially and give them the benefit of the doubt that this is may just be a hard season for them. Give loving space for them to find their footing but also start the conversation on securing a game plan for the future. Maybe its enlisting a weekly date night that you promise to stick to. Or maybe it's bi-monthly couples counseling appointments where you get your feelings out on the table.
Feel free to reach out to me for an appointment. You can either email me at leemiller.therapist@gmail.com or call my office at (310) 614-0323. I can help you and your partner start the ball rolling and help you be set up for success better in the future when it comes to communication.
