I once knew of a woman who, as a little girl,
dreamed of being the first female president of the United States. She took it
seriously enough that she planned a visit to Washington D.C. with her parents
when she was nine years old and had printed business cards in hand to give to
the Congressmen and Congresswomen that she met which said "Vote for Me in
2036!" with her full name and contact details on the back.
Somehow that dream faded away and it wasn't
until one day in her mid-twenties when someone asked her what as child she
dreamed of being when she grew up that the thought came into her head of
"why didn't I pursue that?" Immediately a conversation flooded
into her mind that she had with a minister when she was twelve. Her family were
regular church-goers and one Sunday she told this minister of her plans for
policy change -- to which he replied "Oh, dear, you may not want to do
that.. Faith is like ice cream and politics is like dog poop - you can't mix
them together without ruining the good stuff."
Right there, in that very moment, the young
and impressionable girl subscribed to the limiting belief that her spirituality
and career could not co-exist.
That exact type of scenario is how limiting
beliefs can be created. It is a slippery slope as most of these beliefs come
from the past and are deeply ingrained in us. They can stem from a variety of
ways, from harmful information from an authority figure to a trauma we
experience and try to cope with.
These kinds of thoughts can be things like:
·
I am not
worthy
·
I am bad
·
I am
unlovable
·
I am not
enough
·
I am boring
·
I am
evil/sinful
·
I always
hurt other people
·
I am
worthless
·
I am a
mistake
·
I will
never be loved for who I am
·
I don't
matter
How to Identify Limiting Beliefs
Step 1: Be aware of your thoughts
This next week try to be cognizant of the thoughts drifting through your mind. What is your "self talk" that goes on in the privacy of your own head. Keep a journal of some of the things that you may believe and begin to look into how you structured that belief and came to that particular conclusion (often about yourself).
This next week try to be cognizant of the thoughts drifting through your mind. What is your "self talk" that goes on in the privacy of your own head. Keep a journal of some of the things that you may believe and begin to look into how you structured that belief and came to that particular conclusion (often about yourself).
Step 2: Ask yourself "why do I believe
that to be true?"
Following the example of the young women she may have thought "I need to have a career that doesn't conflict with my belief system."
Why do you feel the need to do that?
"Because I would rather please God than follow my own desires."
Why do you believe that following that career desire can displease God?
"Because then I would be sinful"
Why do you see that as sinful"
"Because a minister told me that when I was 12"
Following the example of the young women she may have thought "I need to have a career that doesn't conflict with my belief system."
Why do you feel the need to do that?
"Because I would rather please God than follow my own desires."
Why do you believe that following that career desire can displease God?
"Because then I would be sinful"
Why do you see that as sinful"
"Because a minister told me that when I was 12"
Looking at is as an adult, with some distance
from the situation, do you believe that to be true?
"I guess not. I can stand up for my
convictions and still make a difference in the world through policy change. I
don’t have to believe in that dichotomy."
Step 3: Realize that identifying all your
limiting belief's won't come to the surface overnight
Give yourself some time and space to let your
subconscious mind present these beliefs to you in their own time. It is a
lifetime sojourn to learn who we are and how to untangle the pieces of
information that no longer serve us. And, if you feel that you want someone on
the outside with perspective to listen or weigh in, my door is always open. You
can either email me at leemiller.therapist@gmail.com or
call my office at (310) 614-0323.
