A Counterintuitive Path to Self Esteem

Self-esteem is confidence in one's own worth or abilities, but even deeper then that it is self-respect. There are some beautiful movements circulating from body positivity on social media to a record number of women elected in Congress (127 female and 102 of them in the House!). Yet, how do we build up someone's confidence to step into their own power and nature?

Often times as parents we want to encourage and build up our children so they can walk in confidence, yet if we focus only on the "positive" aspects of them, we can inadvertently make them ashamed of anything that goes against what they are praised for. They may then begin to set a pattern of needing to have an accomplishment in order to receive praise or love.

So, how can we set healthy parameters for building self-esteem in our children and ourselves?

Yes, you heard that right - failure. Failure is a result of trying new things, growing, creating, investigating, inventing, playing and expressing. Confidence is gained with every attempt of learning "well, it didn't work when I tried it that way - how about this way?" Along the way there is also the subconscious level of your worth not being tied to what you can accomplish or the unattainable idea of perfection. We can gain confidence in ourselves that we don’t have to have it all together to be loved and we don't need to constantly be achieving in order to carry value.

So go ahead and fail in 2019 - and fail big!

You may find that you'll gain some healthy self-esteem and confidence along the way. If this feels too scary and unknown or you don't even know where to begin - try starting with one step in that direction. Or, if you'd like to talk further about exploring failure you can book an appointment with me to bye either emailing me at leemiller.therapist@gmail.com or calling my office at (310) 614-0323.