There is no magic
elixir that creates a perfect relationship… because people are inherently
imperfect and whenever you involve humans in the equation the idea of
"perfection" goes out the window. If you are looking for
conflict-free perfection I'm afraid you have come to the wrong blog. But, if
you are looking for the possibility of having a fulfilling and thriving
relationship that lasts, here are some tips on how to combine lots of love with
healthy conflict.
Let me break down the
3 Golden Rules of a Healthy, Lasting Relationship:
1.
Never
threaten the relationship
A foundation of trust needs to be at the base of all your communication to build on. If each time you and your partner have a disagreement the relationship gets put on the line as a bargaining chip, then neither of you will fully safe to express how you're feeling. Conversely, when there is stability in a relationship you are able to achieve deeper levels of intimacy because you're acting without the fear of losing the connection.
A foundation of trust needs to be at the base of all your communication to build on. If each time you and your partner have a disagreement the relationship gets put on the line as a bargaining chip, then neither of you will fully safe to express how you're feeling. Conversely, when there is stability in a relationship you are able to achieve deeper levels of intimacy because you're acting without the fear of losing the connection.
2.
Always
assume good intent
In a similar vein of our judicial system's "innocent until proven guilty," go off of the best assumptions about your partner. Choose to believe that your partner loves you and doesn't want to hurt / annoy / abandon / let you down / etc. Sometimes, it’s hard to get out of our own way due to past traumas and experiences. In that case, seeking a conversation with a professional can help you work through that. If you're looking for that, feel free to reach out to me for an appointment. You can either email me at leemiller.therapist@gmail.com or call my office at (310) 614-0323.
In a similar vein of our judicial system's "innocent until proven guilty," go off of the best assumptions about your partner. Choose to believe that your partner loves you and doesn't want to hurt / annoy / abandon / let you down / etc. Sometimes, it’s hard to get out of our own way due to past traumas and experiences. In that case, seeking a conversation with a professional can help you work through that. If you're looking for that, feel free to reach out to me for an appointment. You can either email me at leemiller.therapist@gmail.com or call my office at (310) 614-0323.
3.
Say
what you are thinking
We cannot read each other's thoughts. If you've ever seen the movie "What Women Want" with Mel Gibson, you realize pretty quickly - rarely do you actually know what the other person is thinking. One way to combat assumptions of intention is to clearly state what you are thinking in a kind, loving way to your partner. This helps ease the potential for miscommunication and put you on the path of better understanding of one another.
We cannot read each other's thoughts. If you've ever seen the movie "What Women Want" with Mel Gibson, you realize pretty quickly - rarely do you actually know what the other person is thinking. One way to combat assumptions of intention is to clearly state what you are thinking in a kind, loving way to your partner. This helps ease the potential for miscommunication and put you on the path of better understanding of one another.
These golden rules may
seem simple, but that doesn't mean they are easy. Yet, you may find that over
time they help your relationship tremendously if you put them all into
practice.
