Who doesn’t love to hear that they are doing well? Whether you are an employee who likes a pat on the back after putting in the hours for a big project or a spouse who likes to be appreciated for taking the trash out - being noticed feels nice. Praise and encouragement are huge components to a healthy relationship. Although, before you say “good job” next time I want you to reconsider how you word your gratitude.
The issue…
“Good job” puts the focus on praising the outcome, but it can be way more powerful to build up someone’s effort and the process they went through to get something accomplished.
When we focus on the end result we then condition people to only feel worthy if they succeed, accomplish or complete. But, there are so many other qualities and attributes more important than finishing a task!
If you are not sure where to begin, here are some alternative options of praise:
- I loved watching how you persisted
- You were really focused!
- I can tell you took your time
- How did you do that?
- What made you choose to do it that way? So inventive
- You are a hard worker
- I could see that was tough but you stuck with it
- How do you feel? I noticed you kept trying even when it was difficult
If you are the type of person who loves to achieve, this could be a tough mental switch - but I think you’ll find the more you get comfortable saying it to others, the more the internal dialogue in your own brain will reflect the switch too!
